aahhhh.... *yawn*

i guess people really DO change. this morning i was just wondering what i was thinking when i erased my old blog, and i realized that maybe that blog wasn't me anymore. i've changed. whether for better or worse i'm not sure. but i'm sure about the change part.

my moods are different, i no longer get so melancholic and nostalgic all the time. although i DID have a spell this morning. it's what drove me to blog again. i miss writing a lot. there used to be time when my fingers would dance across the keyboard almost as fast as my mind could spew out the words. there were even times when i don't think the words even came from my mind. they just materialized on the screen of my PC, and it would feel as if i was reading something that was being written by somebody else. in real time.

i think most of my changes have something to do with my lifestyle now. i'm no longer the single guy who had all the time in the world to be a hopeless romantic. i can't be hopeless anymore these days. too many people are looking up to me for hope. i have to be strong for some people now. before, i didn't event want to be strong. it was as if i was addicted to pain and personal anguish that i literally basked in the pain of rejection, afraid to move on. my best writing moments were everytime i would get rejected and receive a huge dose of pain.

i don't write nowadays, the pain is gone, and some part of me wishes some of it to come back so i can write again. sick, i know. and then again the other part of me wishes it would stay away and leave me to this laid back, settled life where being romantic doesn't have to mean being hopeless about it.

i like it here.